Honoring My Desires

To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves. ~Federico Garcia Lorca

 

I've done this a few times in my life - once with a person that I was completely besotted it, and twice when I wanted out of relationships that were completely and utterly stultifying to my soul.  After the mind numbing, soul killing relationship that lasted 13 years too long, I decided that never again will I keep quiet about deep desires.

If I burn with desire for something, I will say so.  I may not get what I want, but it won't be because I wasn't honest about my desires.  I would rather feel the pain of rejection and failure than the pain of killing my own soul. 

Playing to Win

Kissing Frogs

Wishing and Hoping

When the Husband is Boss

Some Things Are Better Left Behind

Dressing Appropriately (or not)

Working Women at Dinner Time

Don't Get Stuck in the Wrong Story

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. ~ Mo Willems 

This quote strikes a chord with me since I've been there and done that.  I seem to have a knack for winding up in the wrong story, at times.  Either fortunately or unfortunately, I'm also prone to honoring commitments and have stayed way too long in the wrong story a couple of times because I married a story that seemed like a fairy tale and turned into a horror story - not once, but twice. 

Now, I'm not saying that I wasn't one of the characters in the story, but I will say that my character was always honest about who I was from the very beginning.  So it came as a complete surprise to me when, after marriage, two different men thought they could direct me into a character so far removed from anyone I recognized that I wondered who in the heck they fell in love with in the first place.

To be fair to them, maybe they honestly didn't understand that marriage wouldn't change me from who I am to who they thought I should be.  Ah well, the fairy tales we tell ourselves.  I, too, suffered from the apparently silly notion that they wouldn't change from the person I dated to the person they became after marriage.  Touche'.

I don't mind reading horror stories from time to time.  I just don't want to live in them ever again.       

It's All In How You Frame It.

Guns and Girls Do Mix

Love Can Be a Deadly Game

Waiting for Prince Charming

When The Wrong Guy Hits on You

Learning New Skills

If skill could be learned by watching, every dog would be a butcher.~ Turkish Proverb

By vocation,” I am a teacher. One of the misunderstandings that many of my students often have is the belief that they should be able to master something simply by watching someone else do it.

Were that true, we would all be masters at all sorts of things. I would be a master rag-time piano player, a world-class painter, a singer to rival the likes of Sarah Brightman or Connie Dover, and a tapper the equal of Eleanor Powell. Alas, as much as I have watched my favorites, I still do not have their level of skill on any of those things.

If I want to be good at something, I have to put in the time and energy to get good at it. I would like to convince my students that this is a good thing since what I have learned is this: Even when we have a bit of natural talent in some area or another, it is the work we do to perfect that talent that gives us a sense of pride.

Unfulfilled Needs

You can never get enough of what you don’t really want. ~ Your Money or Your Life

Ever had one of those evenings when you are hungry for something and you try a little of this and a little of that but nothing seems to satisfy your hunger?

Emotions are like that, sometimes. Some people have unfulfilled emotional needs that they try to fill with things - things, and more things.

No matter how many things you buy, you won’t be able to fill your need for friends, love, or self-acceptance with things.

Success

Success is the ability to close the door on your past, regardless of your failures, and move forward. ~ Bill White

Too often success is out of reach not because we don’t have the potential for it, but because we put all of our focus on what could have been.

The fact is that if it could have been, it would have been. The best we can do with the past is make peace with it and learn from our failures. Then, it is up to us to pick ourselves up and move forward.

Some Great Tapping from Lorraine Krueger

Lorraine Krueger, actress and dancer, acted in 30 films but was was best known for the films, Everybody's Doing It (1938), I'm From the City (1938), and Dance Girl, Dance (1948). In addition to her films, she also appeared in 281 WWII camp shows to entertain the troops.

Eleanor Powell and Buddy Rich: An Amazing Tap Dance Routine

This clip from the 1942 movie, Ship Ahoy, is an excellent illustration of talent squared. While both Powell and Rich are extremely talented stars in their own right, this skit is an awesome demonstration of pure rhythm. Not only is Powell a tap dance phenomenon, her acrobatic skill is pretty amazing as well. Although the plot of the movie is a bit contrived, the dance scenes alone make it worth watching.

Some Amazing Yodelers

I'm one of those nerdy people who just loves good yodeling. I grew up listening to my dad yodel along to records by Jimmy Rodgers, Patsy Montana, Roy Rogers, and Bonnie Lou. Yodeling, however, is not just a country music phenomenon. It has a long history in multiple cultures. Most of us are familiar with the Swiss and German yodeling traditions, but too few are aware that it has a long history in Africa as well.

The Apache Dance (also known as the Bowery Waltz or Tough Dance)

Unlike first impressions, the Apache Dance (pronounced ah-PASCH) is a dramatic depiction of Parisian street culture of the early 20th century and not a mockery of native American dance styles.

Young street gangs in Paris were extremely violent during this period and picked up the moniker "Apache" from the press who likened them to the allegedly violent native North American tribe, the Apaches. The dance depicts a violent discussion between a prostitute and her pimp and, as such, is a form of dramatic theatrical combat.

Irene Castle

Irene (Foote) Castle gained fame and popularity as part of the famous husband-wife dance team, Vernon and Irene Castle. Although Vernon died in a plane crash not long after the height of their popularity, their innovative dance styles left a lasting legacy on ballroom dancing. They were trendsetters in other ways as well. They had an openly lesbian manager and traveled with a black orchestra. They are credited with making dancing close in public respectable and with popularizing African American music among the elite.

Life Lessons

Good judgement comes from life experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement. ~ Will Rogers

This brings to mind a conversation I had the other day with a former student. This young woman graduated a couple of years ago and is shocked and dismayed to find that after two whole years in the job market, she isn’t the manager of her department yet. When I asked her why she thought she hadn’t moved up the ladder as fast as she expected, she said: “My manager says that I don’t have the life experience I need yet. She says I need to make a lot more mistakes and learn from them before I can manage others who make mistakes.” 

I asked her whether she believed her manager had a valid point, and she begrudgingly allowed that the woman might be right.  The idea that we gain good judgement through life experience isn’t a new idea at all. However, our current attitude of instant gratification often causes us to forget that some things cannot be hurried. 

We have become so accustomed to the idea that if we want something, we can simply go out and get it. After all, we have credit cards. Why should we wait? Unfortunately, good judgment can’t be bought on credit. It comes from trying things until you figure out what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes we have to work our way past a lot of bad judgment before we learn to have good judgment.

Self Discipline

What we do on some great occasion will probably depend on what we already are; and what we are will be the result of previous years of self-discipline. – Henry Parry Liddon

Years ago, I had a post office box. One day when I picked up my mail, there was a letter that had a red stamp listing “postage due.” I waited in line until it was my turn and handed the clerk the letter so I could pay the postage. She looked at me, looked back at the letter, and then asked me where I got it.

Constructive Criticism

To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction. – Proverbs 12:1

 As a former teacher, I had to convince my students that correction is a necessary part of learning. For the first few assignments, most of the students who hadn't had me previously visibly flinched when they saw all of the red marks I made on their assignments. For some reason, they mistakenly believed that being corrected meant they were stupid.

Thomas Wayne and the DeLons

Wayne is best known for his hit song, Tragedy, which rose to #5 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #20 on the Black Singles chart in 1959.

Although Wayne released other singles from 1958-1964, he was regarded as a one hit wonder. I would argue, however, that his recording of "This Time" which hit the charts in 1958 was fairly well known also.

The Duncan Sisters – 1920s Vaudeville Stars

Rosetta (right) and Vivian (left) started their vaudeville stage careers at the ages of 17 and 14, respectively. Rosetta took on the persona of the comedienne, and Vivian played the stereotypical dumb blonde. They were quite popular as singers and actresses and performed in night clubs in both New York and London, on Broadway, and eventually in films.

Their most well known film was the 1923 musical comedy Topsy and Eva, which was based on the novel Uncle Tom's Cabin. Rosetta played the role of Topsy in black-face, and Vivian played Eva. For this show, they wrote and sang some of their own songs. One of them, "Remembering" was a huge popular hit of the era.

The Theremin – Making Mysterious Music

The theremin is an electronic instrument that was developed by Russian physicist, Leon Theremin, as part of a research project sponsored by the Russian government to test proximity sensors.

Unlike other instruments, the musician does not actually touch the instrument to play notes. Instead, two metal antennas sense the proximity of the hands to make the sound. One hand controls frequency and the other hand controls amplitude to create an eerie musical sound.

Worldviews

We do not describe the world we see; We see the world we describe. ~ Joseph Jaworski

 As a retired professor of sociology, this is one of the first things I tried to teach my students. The way we see and understand the world around us is filtered through our worldviews which, in turn, tend to be culture bound.

Choosing Your Own Path

The question isn’t, “Who is going to let me?” It’s, “Who is going to stop me.” ~ Ayn Rand

Too many people never try the things they would like to do in life because they are waiting for permission from someone else. You can always find naysayers for any dream or desire you have.

The important thing to remember is that, sometimes, we have to be our own cheering squad. Sometimes we have to step out and reach for the things we want regardless of the doubts that others express.

Does that mean that we should just disregard good advice from others? Not at all. It simply means that while we might want to weigh the concerns of others, we are best served by making our own choices about what is right for us.

Those Great Charleston Dance Steps

Want to see some great Charleston dance steps? This great little video was filmed in the 1950s at the Savoy Ballroom in Harlem. Look at those limber legs. This was back when "real men" danced and danced very well.

The Charleston is thought to have actually originated sometime in the late 1800s but it gained worldwide attention in the 1920s jazz age.

1950s-Square Dancing at the Opry

Ever since I first learned to flat-foot and clog listening to old-time and bluegrass music as a little girl, I've loved to square dance.

I was delighted to find this short video of one of the groups that won the hearts of Opryland in the 1950s. If you watch their feet fly to the music, you can certainly see why.

Expectations

Some people are not capable of giving you what you are trying to get from them. ~ Dr. Sonia Friedman

Ah, the age old struggle of relationships. How do we get someone to give us what we want from them? Why won’t my husband just be more romantic? Why won’t my wife just get over her fear of heights and go bungee jumping with me? Why does my daughter or son have to study music (or art, or social work) instead of engineering?  Why can't my best friend just give opera a try?

Education As A Process

No one can ever get an education, for of necessity education is a continuing process. ~ Louis L’Amour

 Unfortunately, too many people think that education is something we get only while in school. I see this belief in my students when they say things such as, “I’m so glad I’m done with my education. Now I’ll never have to take another test.” Fortunately for most of us, the bulk of our education and life tests lie ahead of us instead of behind us when we graduate.

The amount of things a person can learn in a lifetime is mind-boggling. According to Paul Reber, a psychology professor, if we measured our brain capacity in terms of digital recording devices, we have about three million hours worth of memory. This is great news! That means we can continue learning until we die and still not use up all of our brain capacity.

Developing Self Esteem

Over the past several years, I’ve observed that too many people seem to completely misunderstand what self esteem is and where it comes from.  I can’t even count the number of students who have complained that I “ruined” or “hurt” their self esteem by giving them honest feedback on their work. My question to them is this: if self esteem is about your level of esteem for yourself, how can I possibly hurt or ruin it by giving you honest feedback that is intended to help you improve your knowledge base and gain additional skills? They usually respond with a confused look.

The confusion, I’m convinced, comes from the total misuse of the concept over the past several years. We have somehow convinced our young people that other people can harm them by giving them honest feedback. Mustn’t use red pens to correct homework. We might hurt little Johnny’s feelings. Can’t have winners and losers in our games, since someone’s feelings might get hurt. As a result, many people mistake hurt feelings for low self esteem. More importantly, though, they mistakenly believe that self esteem comes from outside themselves, from what other people think or say.

Self esteem, literally, is the confidence and esteem we feel for ourselves. We build that confidence and esteem by achieving worthy goals. Self esteem comes from a sense of pride and accomplishment for jobs well done. What that means is simply this: if I have set worthy goals and accomplished those goals, I will feel proud of myself regardless of what an outsider says. They may not like or even understand what I’ve accomplished. Certainly, an outsider can hurt my feelings by being critical. But they can’t take away my sense of accomplishment if I know I have done a good job.

It is only when we don’t set and achieve goals that we can be proud of that someone else can manipulate our feelings about the self. Like any other vacuum, failing to set and achieve goals creates a vacuum where your self esteem should be. This leaves you vulnerable to other people’s opinions and criticisms about you. On the other hand, if you accomplish things that make you proud, you will develop the confidence to listen to the voice inside of you instead of outside criticism.

And just what is a “worthy goal”? Worthy goals are those goals that make you reach just beyond your current level of expertise or experience. Your self esteem doesn’t grow from setting your goals too low or too high. You must set them high enough that you have to reach to achieve them but low enough so that they are achievable, with effort and hard work.