Some people are not capable of giving you what you are trying to get from them. ~ Dr. Sonia Friedman
Ah, the age old struggle of relationships. How do we get someone to give us what we want from
them? Why won’t my husband just be more romantic? Why won’t my wife just get
over her fear of heights and go bungee jumping with me? Why does my daughter or
son have to study music (or art, or social work) instead of engineering? Why can't my best friend just give opera a try?
Humans are interesting creatures. We come into the world as hedonistic little things wanting what we want, when we want it. Over the course of our lives, we are socialized into our culture’s norms and learn how to delay gratification, for the most part. At the same time, we all retain that piece of ourselves that wants what we want when we want it. Worse yet, some of us develop some crazy notion that the people we love the most are supposed to deliver on our wants and desires regardless of their interest or capability of doing so.
When we demand that
someone give us something they have no ability to give, we are acting like that
tiny hedonistic baby who is incapable of understanding that some people, for
any variety of reasons, can’t give us what we want.
Daddy can’t breast feed
an infant, but it doesn’t stop the infant from trying to suckle at his breast.
As adults, we try the same thing, often with the same frustrating results.
Anytime we demand things from people who can’t deliver what we want, we
frustrate both ourselves and the other persons.
Years ago, I dated a man
who was passionate about what he lovingly referred to as "acid rock bands." My musical taste is extremely eclectic but there are three types of music I don't care for at all: rap, acid rock, and extremely discordant jazz. He tried and tried to force
me into sharing his love of "acid rock bands.” Sorry, but that was about as likely as me getting him to appreciate the operas that I love. We simply can’t force people to
feel emotions or attachments they don’t feel.
